In her insightful book “On Death and Dying” (1969), Elizabeth Kübler-Ross depicted the five stages of grief, which apply as much to losing a beloved pet as they do to the death of a dear person. As everyone grieves in different ways, Kübler-Ross did not propose an exclusive five-step recipe for living through loss. Rather, the list presents a dynamic and fluid process. For some, the process is sequential. For others, it develops into its own unique pattern. Though many individuals experience some aspect of these stages. The explanation of these experiences may help those grieving come to terms with the normality of these often-conflicting feelings and suggests when support should be sought for everyone involved.

Stage 1: Denial

Denial is a defense mechanism that dulls the shock of loss and gets us through the initial surge of pain. It is that raw time when, just after a pet’s death, you could have sworn you heard him in the other room attacking his favorite toy or begging for food. Or out of the corner of your eye you see a flash of her fur in a spot she would normally rest or expect her to be waiting for you at the door when you get home. But it’s not your dog you see; it’s a balled-up blanket. And it’s not your cat you hear; it’s your grief — and it feels as if it’s everywhere, inhabiting every space your pet has ever occupied. Denial is both confusing and comforting, but it is crucial for helping you recognize the love you have shared with your companion and accepting how deeply you miss them.

Stage 2: Anger

Denial is often followed by anger, which arrives when reality sets. This anger can be directed almost anywhere — Towards family, friends, veterinarians, or even at the pet we loved so much. It is tempting to blame someone for the pain we are feeling, including ourselves. Recognizing these feelings shows how cherished and well-cared for your pet truly was. The passing of your pet was likely either a decision made based on your animal’s quality of life, or the happening of an unfortunate accident. Ending an animal’s suffering due to health-related reasons is one of the most difficult yet selfless decisions a human being can make. Veterinary professionals have the knowledge and experience to help guide you through this process and give you peace of mind that the most humane decision has been made. If the latter has occurred, please try to remember that accidents are an unavoidable part of life. Every human being has the capacity to learn, grow and teach others from these experiences.

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Stage 3: Bargaining

At times, we may feel ridden with guilt or regret when pondering what we could have done differently during the time our pet was still alive. Some try to deal with this sense of vulnerability and helplessness by bargaining, often with a higher power, with themselves, or even with their departed pet. “If only I could take my dog for one last walk.” “What if I had caught this illness sooner?” This may result in feeling as though we have regained some aspect of control during this overwhelming process. With time and support, these feelings will subside.

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Stage 4: Depression

Depression can cause a state of constant sadness and a loss of interest in activities that you would otherwise enjoy. This grief can lead us to acknowledge the finality of the separation we must face. Some people withdraw into isolation, while others begin to reach out for help. In both cases, mourners need support and patience. Sadness helps you acknowledge that you are wounded, and that is one step toward healing. This stage may feel like the inevitable landing point of any loss, but try not to feel discouraged. If you cannot seem to move past this on your own, seek professional mental health resources. A psychotherapist can help you work through this period of recovery and if required can prescribe medication. If you are not yet comfortable confiding in a stranger, try first reaching out to a friend, family member, or someone else you trust.

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Stage 5: Acceptance

For some, this is the most challenging stage in the grieving process. Acceptance does not mean forgetting about your pet. It defines embracing the sweet, beautiful life your pet has lived, as well as accepting that she or he has passed on. It means reconciling and forgiving life itself for coming to an end. Acceptance also recognizes that no other pet could replace the one you lost. At this point, remembering the fond memories and unconditional love you shared with your pet can provide sense of peace, and brings more smiles than tears. For some, rescuing or raising a new pet replenishes them with newfound meaning and purpose. Others prefer to wait or decide against ever bringing a new animal into their home again. It is a personal decision, and there is no wrong answer.

Coping Methods

1) Create a memorial for your pet

Celebrating your pet’s life by creating a photo album, planting flowers, or holding a ceremony can provide you and your family with a sense of closure.

2) Practice ongoing self-care

Self-care is crucial for our overall well-being. Try to eat a healthy diet, exercise, and put time aside each day for quiet de-stressing activities.

3) Maintain current pets’ care

Pets notice the absence of their bonded partners. Some display no symptoms; however you may notice a decrease in appetite and activity in others. It is important to maintain feeding, grooming and exercise routines during this time.

4) Help pets in need

Volunteering at a local shelter or giving back to an animal charity can provide a sense of purpose during this time.